Solace
by TheGodmother2
Summary: Walt and Vic seek emotional comfort in each other.
1. Chapter 1

Robust gray clouds descend upon the open plain antagonizing those below with an impending punishment of rain. I finish splitting a fair portion of wood to store with the half-cord already prepared for the promise of winter. The melodic strokes of the axe trick my mind into tranquility allowing the haunting burden of my decisions to come crashing down, intruding on the pleasantries, and making a mockery of my solitude.

I bear the burdens of a man alone that seeks refuge in the interpretations of my imagination. My journey for justice now complete, I am left with the prospect of living within myself; alone and lonely. I sink my axe into the tree stump and make my way back to my cabin. The steps look just a bit out of place because I haven't gotten used to them being there but I admit they are nice to have. I ease into the new side chair next to the matching table that Cady bought for me a few months back. She joins me, on occasion, and we just sit, usually with my coffee and her tea. Today, as my bones settle in the chair, I somberly admit I do not want to continue my journey alone.

Is today, the day, is today the day I broach the topic outright instead of skirting around the tango that Vic and I have created? The road to Vic is full of landmines but all of the roads I travel lead me back to her for she is also my refuge. I found the strength to encourage her to stay but my hesitation is obvious and I need to tell her she guides my collective imagination as I find a safe place to rest my mind and my soul. The ease and comfort between us is transparent and surprising. I look for her offbeat glances and attempt to reassure her silently to wait for me but today I know I am there and I want her to meet me here at the crossroads.

I stare at the phone and methodically dial her number while silently rehearsing in my mind but I hang-up before pressing the last number. No, it's not supposed to be this way. I don't know which way, but this isn't right, not for us. Just let it happen I say to myself. Thus, I resign and retreat to the safety and security of the recesses of my mind's eye.

After showering and dressing, I roll into town and stride up the stairs of the station. I hit the desk bay and say a generic, "Mornin'." Ferg is back at his little boy desk and Branch's desk remains empty as we sort through all that transpired. The point being, that it's still his desk, and he is still my deputy. Ruby lets me know the coffee is fresh and no calls are holding that demand my immediate attention.

As I stride past Vic, I look down and turn the corners of my mouth giving the slightest smile good morning. She acknowledges in kind. I no sooner get my hat off when Vic darkens my doorway.

"Hey, Walt I have a doctor's appointment at 10 could you give me a ride and wait for me? I hate to ask but Ferg has traffic court."

"Everything, ok?"

"Think so, just a follow-up at the ophthalmologist. They have to dilate my eyes, checking for any long term trauma from the bat in the head, from crazy fuck's house."

Our eyes hold and we say so much to each other in the silence. How sorry I am that she was there because of me, the loss of her marriage, the physical trauma she survived and the underlying revelation of my love for her.

"Sure."

Vic walks back to her desk and I complete more administrative paperwork for Branch. Eventually, we head to the doc and the cab of the Bullet becomes our private sanctuary.

"You still getting headaches?"

"They come and go."

"Maybe I shouldn't ask but are you still going to see the psychologist?"

"Fuck no. Just once was enough, Walt."

She is like me in more ways than I imagine. Even the bad ways.

"Besides, I know you won't like this.,,,ummm… what I'm about to say but you know just kinda being with you is therapy for me."

I look over my shoulder at her. I know what she means. That's how I feel with her. We don't need to talk about it. It is what it is and we both accept it but I suppose deep down inside if I were really being honest I know we need to talk about it and that I need to talk about it.

"I thought I was going to lose you."

Vic turns back and meets my eyes. She looks away and holds the silence permeating the palpable air between us.

I tick off the mile marker posts as we pass them occupying my mind with anything except the non-conversation we are having.

"I thought Chance killed you. He dropped the body bag into the basement and I thought it was you. I freaked out. No, I fuckin' lost it is what happened." Her hand goes up and wicks away a tear. She refuses to look over at me so I keep driving down the highway headed toward the last reminder of what happened.

Her admission confirms my suspicions that the horrors of that night served as the final notice on her already troubled marriage. I felt a ping of guilt for having a non-active role in the dissolution. A part of me wants to reassure her that no man would have left standing if she had been killed. No man. I don't say a word but I think she knows.

"You hear from Sean?"

"No, not since the property and money was split. It's better this way, anyway."

"I'm real sorry, Vic."

"Don't be. Our marriage was dead. Chance buried it is all."

We fall silent, again.

"What would you have done if Chance hadn't agreed to let us go?"

"Killed him."

"But he would have probably killed you, Walt."

"Maybe"

"I know we are partners and that's what we sort of accept in this job and I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you."

"Yup, just part of the job, Vic" but it wasn't, she wasn't, just part of the job. I would have acted the same for any of my deputies but I wouldn't have felt the same.

"Am I just part of the job to you?" Her question was surprising and to the point. The exact point.

"Nope"

That's all the pathetic response I can muster because I'm not really sure what to say or what I feel except for the overwhelming desire to protect her, to have her with me, to share these moments when no one else is around cluttering our thoughts.

"k" Vic's response or non-response.


	2. Chapter 2

We let the time pass and the doc sees Vic right on time. I wait in the lobby and read the latest edition of _Cowboys and Indians_ with Robert Duvall gracing the cover. Great actor. _Tender Mercies_. Yup, that about explains the situation. My emotions begin to flood from memories of waiting for Martha to finish cancer treatments and the distinct feelings of helplessness that I recognized having for Vic when she was trapped in Chance's basement. Here and now, I know intellectually that Vic is ok and that this is just a routine exam but emotionally I am in drowning in shallow water.

The ophthalmologist comes out and introduces himself. He is about my age, fit, but with decidedly more gray hair. He extends his manicured hand, "Doctor Hutchins, nice to meet you Sheriff."

I shake his hand sorta surprised at the firm grip back. He doesn't really look like the type but he is.

"Deputy Moretti is recovering well. Head traumas can be tricky as you know and I want to be cautious with her treatment plan. The impact of the trauma can cause the tiny blood vessels in the back of the eye to rupture or become damage which may in turn cause blindness or other forms of trauma to the eye. We did a retinal scan so I could see the back of her eyes and we dilated her pupils. Her images look good but I would like to examine her again in 6 months to see if there are any changes."

"Thanks, Doc but why are you telling me all of this?" He reads the confusion on my brow.

"Oh, Deputy Moretti asked me to explain all of this to you so you wouldn't ask her a lot of questions she may not be able to answer on the drive back to Durant. She said you were a rather talkative fellow."

The doc laughed like we shared some sorta inside secret but I am sure he has no idea of Vic's shenanigans.

"So she can continue in full-duty status. She's doing great."

A sense of relief came over me.

"Thanks, again." I shook his firm paw and waited as Vic made her way out of the office nearly blind as a bat. I notice that I have made a habit of placing my hand in the small of her back when we walk together. I have stopped myself several times but today I don't as I guide her outside to the resting bench.

"Wait here while I pull the truck around."

I pull up and open the passenger door, take Vic's hand and gently guide her to the open door.

"I can do it Walt."

She presses herself up by leaning on my shoulder. In this moment, she is so strong but open, weak and vulnerable and I feel as if she needs me. Sure, she can do it herself, but the little push on my shoulder tells me she needs me and I want to be needed and be needed by her. I want to be here with her, to take care of her. I put her hand in mine, hold it for just a moment longer than necessary and lean into the cab, and kiss her lips just to reassure her that I am here. Honestly, there is nothing romantic about it but it felt right.

"Walt"

I don't say anything as I close her door and make my way to the other side. I pile into the Bullet and head for the highway.

"Walt, what was that back there?"

"Seemed like the right thing to do."

"ooooook."

"Just relax. You look real cute in those Ray Charles sunglasses"

"Ha ha I'm glad you are enjoying the new fashion look."

We head back to town and I start ticking off mile markers again as the cab fills with more silence. Finally, Vic breaks the spell of the road.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me?"

"Nope"

"Why, are you being an ass?"

"You already complained that I talk too much." I can't help but smile.

We both laugh out loud.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to explain yourself."

"I don't know if I can." We leave it at that.

As we approach town, I suggest Vic take the rest of the day off, because I don't want her out in the field if she can't really see straight. When Vic agrees with me and doesn't protest I know she is upset with me or it or us and I don't blame her.

I see her to her door.

"See you tomorrow, Vic."

"ok Walt"

Heading back to the station, alone, the quiet desperation of my thoughts roll in like thunder. This situation is, well tricky, and the trick is to figure out what the situation really is but I've got nothin'. I stop for a red light and a dust of wind kicks up just enough to bring the faint smell of jasmine in the air. Vic's hair smells like jasmine. I kick myself for kissing her but I never thought about it. I just did it. It felt so right and it was so right. Where do we go from here?


	3. Chapter 3

My question sears my consciousness as I sit behind my desk and attempt to concentrate on my paperwork but all I think about is this morning and my impetuousness. It was just a slip of comfort, of familiarity, and of caring, really. I think about our circle around our talk this morning and know that I am partially to blame for shutting down but I see it as a badge of courage. The ability to suck it up and forge ahead was a quality to be admired and somewhere along the way everyone needed to talk about everything. That will never be me but it does have its time and its place. Maybe that is where Vic and I are right now? I don't know. I do know that I need a plan.

The clock rolls around to 7 o'clock and I head out. Ruby left at four and I relieved Ferg this morning so he could come back for the late night shift.

"Hi, Sheriff."

"Hi Ferg. See you at o'dark thirty to relieve you."

"Ok, have a good night, Sheriff."

I stop by the store and do a quick shop for pasta, sauce, asparagus, red lettuce, tomatoes, garlic, bread, Italian dressing and a six-pack of Rainier. I head to Vic's house unannounced and pull up a half a block from her house. I stop, wishing I had a cell phone, so I could call her an gauge her mood. Hell, maybe she isn't home. Maybe she went out. Maybe she is on a date? A sense of dread plummets my ego at the thought of her on a date with another man. Ok, I give myself a pep talk, go up there.

Finally, I park in front of her house, because pulling in the driveway, is far to intimate. I walk around and grab the groceries and head for the front door. My stomach is playing Little Drummer Boy. Vic's porch light silhouettes my frame and I look down at my feet. I hear the chain unlatching, the door unlocking, and Vic appears in black sweats and a red Phillies jersey.

"Walt, what the hell?"

"I thought I would stop by and make us dinner. I know you weren't feeling so well this morning."

Vic smiles and suddenly the drummer boy goes on a 5 minute break. This is surprising but come on in. I step into her house and it dawns on me that I have never been inside before. It's decorated simply but beautifully and definitely denotes an feminine touch that is not consistent with the Vic we see in action at work. She turns and lets the number 6 on her jersey lead me to the kitchen.

"I didn't know you could cook, Walt." She says with a smile in her voice. She turns and is smiling, or should I say laughing, at me.

"Well, ah..you know nothing fancy…ah I do ok. Are you hungry? I have a little pasta and a little salad if you feel like eating."

"Yeah, sure. Truthfully, I was going to order a pizza because the late game is on MLB network, the Phils are in San Diego for inter-league so it's a late game. Your timing is perfect I must say."

"I'm glad you don't mind. You know, me coming over here unexpected."

"Oh, no" she laughs, "I expected you just not bearing food."

I set the groceries on the counter and look around trying to gain my bearings.

"Walt, here, give me your coat and hat. You can wash up in the kitchen sink if you want or you can use the bathroom in the hall there. The pots and pans are where you would expect them and the silverware is in this drawer. I think you can figure out the rest. It's the top of the second and I'm gonna watch the game. Oh, there's beer in the fridge in case you forgot to get some."

"Thanks." I do as she says. "What do you mean you expected me?"

I hear Vic yelling at the flat screen television. "Come on Ryan. Let's do it, baby. Come on, big man. Here we go." The sudden hush from the crowd and Vic's high pitched yell tell me that Howard got on base.

"Ah, yeah after this morning." Vic yells back into the kitchen.

I get things going in the kitchen and open her fridge to put the beer away and I find two six-packs of Rainer. I smile because I know she bought them for me. She knew alright.

"Ah yeah, about that. I can't really explain it..ahh." I'm glad I'm not facing her but in an entirely different room preparing food that will help her heal.

"Let's go Marlon. Come on number 3. Yeah baby."

"Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes."

"ok" she yells back over the t.v. The callous humor of role reversal is apparent. No one would ever believe this and I don't plan on telling anyone either, ever.

I bring an ice cold beer into the living room and pop the top handing it to her.

"No glass?"

"Are you kidding?"

She drains the can and hands me the empty. We both laugh out loud as she belches.

"Rating please!"

I look at her perplexed.

"Rating please!"

"That was about a five"

"A five? Oh, Walt, that was at least a seven and you know it."

We are both laughing out loud and I realize I have laughed in earnest three times in one day which is the most I have laughed in the past four years.

"Smells good in there."

I smile and holler, "Soup's on," as I bring our plates to the small kitchen table and follow quickly with two more cold beers this time in glasses.

"This is so nice. Who knew you could cook?" She looks up at me with her brown eyes glistening and that wide toothed sincere smile. "Thank you for doing this for me."

A little flushed. "You're welcome" She has captured my attention and my heart.


	4. Chapter 4

I drink my beer first because I am nervous and get up to get another one. I sit back down and begin to eat.

"Walt, this is so good."

"Thank you, ma'am" I say with a half-smile.

"So, why are you really here?"

"Ah, well you know, about this morning. I don't have an explanation for you Vic. It just felt right but I don't want things to be off with us and I don't want you to be upset with me. So, I guess I'm here because we sorta need to I guess talk about it."

"You wanna talk about something? Do tell."

We smile at each other across the table.

"I just like you being here, ok. We don't have to do an Oprah show."

"ok."

We finish dinner and I clear the table. Vic starts the soapy water.

"I got it. Go watch your game."

"Nope. You cook. I clean. House rules."

I grab another beer out of the fridge and feel a distinctive sting on my butt when I bend over I turn to see Vic snapping the kitchen towel back toward her with a big grin.

"You're gonna pay for that." My finger waving aimlessly in the air.

"Let me help."

"Ok, you wash and I will dry since you don't know where anything goes."

I stand next to Vic, towering over her really, and look down over her shoulders. My hands submerge into the hot soapy water, my sleeves are rolled up, and my arm brushes against her as my hand finds hers under the water. It's quiet in the kitchen; the sound of the game is drowned out by the volume of my heartbeat in my ears. My head is dizzy and I don't know if it's from drinking 3 beers or the effects of holding Victoria Moretti's hand.

"Hey we are never going to finish if we just stand here holding hands." She doesn't look at me when she says it.

I release my hand and start to wash as Vic dries and puts away. When we finish she grabs a beer out of the fridge and offers me one but I decline.

"Come sit, watch the game with me."

I don't know what to make of the whole thing and for a brief moment I wonder if the electricity I feel is one sided but for the life of me I can't figure out how that can be. Vic resumes her position on the couch and I sit next to her. It's the bottom of the sixth with two outs. Burnett gets the third strike and Vic jumps off the couch. Yup, she sings take me out to the ballpark with the other 30 thousand fans. She is crazy.

"How did you know I would come by"

"Really, Walt? After kissing me out of the blue with no explanation, no follow through. I knew you would be by but I just didn't know when."

"Hence the Rainer"

"Hence the Rainer. I am a cop, a good cop after all and if I can't predict suspect behavior with any semblance of accuracy I would be out of a career, mister."

"Suspect or suspect"

"Both"

She sits down next to me not leaving any space between us and my arm takes a mind of its own and lands gently around her shoulders. She slides her feet underneath and intertwines her fingers in mine. I think this is our conversation, our getting it all out but I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's nice and I like it but I am also pretty sure she can hear my heart about to explode out of my chest.

We stay that way until the middle of the 9th as the Phillies try to hold their one run lead. Vic turns off the t.v. and turns towards me.

"I never want you to think baseball is more important than you."

"Turn the tv back on, silly."

"No, I'm serious." She kisses my lips before I can offer another protest and I forget about the Phillies or baseball or anything in the universe except for her precious lips on mine and her tongue searching for mine.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time but I figure I would be an old maid before you ever kissed me."

"What, I kissed you this afternoon."

"That wasn't a kiss, Walt."

Well, she has a point and I am in no position to argue. About anything.

"Ah Vic this is very bad timing but uh I can't help but think about something you said, well a few times, that you and Sean wouldn't deal with things you would just have sex and it would go away. Now, I know I'm not him, and God knows how much I want you but we can't let things just go away. Ahm…it's us…we …uhm..it's different with us."

"Funny, I didn't see you turn on the cold water. Is Oprah outside parking the car?"

She moves and creates a little distance between us but not much so I am still on safe ground.

"Here it is Walt. This is me. This is the safety zone I have created since nearly being executed and my husband divorcing me. Oh and coming to the realization that I have a fucked up crazy weird sexual thing for my boss who is also my best friend and who is also the most emotionally repressed individual on planet earth which leaves me super fucked. Is that what you want to talk about."

"Yup"

"Really?"

"Yup, because I can't figure out why the pull toward a foul mouthed tomboy from Philly but it's there. I feel it in my body, in my mind, in my soul. I think of you before I close my eyes to sleep and when I wake up in the morning. It feels like you are a part of me. I want to protect you and keep you safe. I want to touch you and know you are there. How do I tell you that I could not face the prospect of you dying because I know what that pain is and I can't or really I won't survive it again. I want you to know that I am sorry about you and Sean. I really am but selfishly I am glad you stayed because I want you here with me and so…um…you know…this isn't me…I don't talk like this but Vic I don't want to lose you. Oh and Oprah is outside parking the car she took the driveway space I left for her."


	5. Chapter 5

We sit for a moment and I lean over to be closer to her and to touch her. My hand falls onto her and she leans in kissing me gently. I pull her close and our kiss grows deeper as I wrap my arms around her waist. Vic holds me tightly. This feels right. It is right. I know I will be here until morning if we don't stop but I don't want it to stop. I want to belong to her.

"Vic, if we don't stop, I'm not going to leave tonight."

"I don't want to stop."

"What are we gonna do about tomorrow and next week and the week after?"

Vic whispers against my neck, "We will be fine if you don't get weird about everything. I don't want you to leave." Her kisses light my neck on fire and the tremble in her voice against my ear make it impossible for me to resist. My lips find hers again and as our kiss grows deeper she groans with anticipation.

I push her arms distance away from me.

"What, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, this is perfect but I want to make sure you're ready."

"Ah, duh. Doesn't it seem like it to you?"

"No, not like that, well yes like that but you also just got divorced, Vic. I mean that you are emotionally ready."

"Again, with the Oprah, shit." She smiles at me and I know she is teasing but I won't let her off the hook. I can't because this is a life-changer for me and for us.

"Walt, I'm fine, really."

"You know there's so much I want to tell you and so many things I want to ask. It has to be the same for you because we have this….I don't know what you would call it…this connection…it's unexplainable really."

Vic runs her hands up my chest and unsnaps the diamond cut snaps on my denim shirt her kisses begin to fill my chest as she slides onto my lap. I am her prisoner and I do not mind being held captive.

"Look at me."

Vic continues making her way down to my stomach.

"Victoria, look at me."

She looks up, her eyes full of desire, and I tighten my grip on her hips and move her closer to me.

"Are you sure you want an old man? An old man like me?"

"Is that what's bothering you?"

I smirk, "one of many things."

"First, you're not old. Second, yes I want you. Third, stop talking so fucking much – words I thought I would never say to you." See leans in and kisses me before I can say anything else and I respond in kind.

Vic pulls back and says, "Walt, I can't explain what this connection is I really can't. I know because I have thought about it….a lot…but I know it's real…and I know it's you. It's you I have been waiting for no one else just you."

Our eyes lock and I can't move them. "You scare the hell out of me."

"Same here." She pauses and whispers softly in my ear, "But it's a good scare."

My voice lowers naturally as trepidation takes over, "Vic, I really want..ahh..I really want you… but this…this will change everything. It will change work it will change us it will change our friendship. I don't want to go too fast and mess it up."

"ok" Vic tries to slide off of my lap and back onto the couch but I hold her in place. She is a little surprised but doesn't resist.

"Hey," I hold her chin with my index finger, "You're not going to get away that easily." I kiss her softly.

"Let's just be for tonight."

"Does that mean you are going to stay?"

"I don't know"

"Ok, princess, are you going to make me ask you?"

"Princess?" my eyes crinkle at the comment.

"Yeah, you're acting like a prom queen all afraid to drop your panties so I figure you know princess it is."

I laugh. "Am I the only man to ever tell you, no? I bet I am."

Vic turns completely to stone and holds my face in the palms of her hands, "Walter Longmire, you are the only real man I have ever known I thought I told you that before."

She consumes me.

Vic shifts her wait on my lap and I move my hands to the small of her back, "I have never known a woman quite like you Vic that's the God's honest truth."

"Walt, I want to give myself to you," she pauses and breathes deeply, "but it will be pieces at a time."

I can see her eyes begin to well and I brush away the moisture with my thumb.

"ok," I smile to reassure her and glad that she is meeting me half-way as we make this journey together. I kiss her cheek as the second tear begins to fall.

"Let's see who won the game."

Vic flips the remote and turns on the t.v. switching to Sportscenter. She folds herself back into my side, my arm wrapped around her shoulder and her head leans against my chest.

"You can stay. I would like you to stay with me." Vic looks up at me, "I won't jump your bones. I like having you here. I like this…just this."

I reclaim my arm, bend over and take off my ropers, and put my feet up on the coffee table asking if it's ok. My arm goes back over her shoulders as if we have been doing this a thousand years.

Chris Berman gives the top ten of the night and the scroll on the bottom rolls by Phillies 5 Padres 4. As with life, the details are at the bottom, and can pass you by if you aren't paying attention. I'm paying attention to Victoria Moretti, I don't want to screw up the details. She is a keeper.

I can feel the loneliness that has haunted me evaporate from my heart and in so doing makes room for all the love I feel to flood in and occupy the space. I look down at Vic's blonde hair on my chest, "You have any oatmeal? I've been trying to eat that for breakfast supposed to be good for my heart."

She pats my chest running her fingers through the hair, "Yup."


End file.
